


Hope To Those Who Have None

by chains_archivist



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: Boys in Chains, M/M, Slaves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:13:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4223046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chains_archivist/pseuds/chains_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>by Adalisa <br/>Obi-Wan remains on Tatooine as he barters his own freedom for Shmi Skywalker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 - Amidala

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dusk, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Boys in Chains](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Boys_in_Chains), which opened in 2000 as a multifandom archive for both fiction and art, but then sadly went offline in 2005. To bring the archive back, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2014. Open Doors [posted an announcement](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/1832) and e-mailed all creators about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please [contact the Open Doors committee](http://transformativeworks.org/contact/open%20doors).  
> \--  
> Warnings: I'm sure I'm not following Canon somewhere. After all, I'm not all that familiar with anything in this universe besides the movies, the comic adaptation and what I have been reading here.  
> Spoilers: A lot for TPM. In fact, it happens right after the ending
> 
> Summary: Obi-Wan remains on Tatooine as he barters his own freedom for Shmi Skywalker. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to George Lucas, who is god. And I'm not making any money out of this... so it would really be pointless to sue me for it.
> 
> Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and if anyone would have time to detailed feedback, I would really appreciate it. This is my first attempt at SW slash

My People is free, and my planet has finally achieved peace.

But I cannot be happy. Not when I know the price that very few paid for our freedom.

I stand in the Palace' gates, waiting for Boss Nass, leader of the Gungan, as they make a glorious entrance to the city that they helped to free, and I cannot smile. Not when I know that one of my dearest new friends is suffering.

That, I cannot do.

I force myself not to turn, not to see his grave face as he sees the result of his loss, the result of his well guarded pain. I know that most of the present do not understand it, most do not know what he is going trough.

But they did not meet him as I did.

They did not saw how two Jedi Knights jumped from a balcony to free me, Captain Panaka and my maidens to help us to reach Coruscant. They did not saw the light in his eyes as he talked to his companion, the half smile that formed in his face when they fought together.

A smile that will probably not return to his face ever again. It was the price we paid for the freedom of Naboo.

But I cannot stay silent for long, I cannot let him grieve endlessly.

I will find a way to stop his silent pain.

That, I will do.

* * * *

"Young Anakin will not be trained." Master Windu told me, and I could only nod, as I heard Ani's sad gasp behind me. "That is the final decision of the council."

"We understand, Master Windu. We wish you and the council a safe trip to Coruscant." I try to sound as calm as I have always sounded, but I know that my coldness cannot fool a Master Jedi. He looks at me with his sad eyes, and I know that he won't insult me by asking... but I cannot ignore his silent question. "What will be of Master Jinn?"

"He has asked permission to remain a few more days in Naboo, if your Highness approve. After that, he will return to Coruscant to continue his duties as a Jedi." He gives me more explanation that the one an outsider would receive. But he is very clear in his words. They will not do anything to help him. As far as the Jedi Council knows or cares, Obi Wan Kenobi is dead... and they will not stop Qui Gon Jinn from following him in that final path.

I bow as the Jedi Master bids his farewell and leaves the room. It is only then when I turn to see Ani, who is trying mightily not to cry, as his mother hugs him.

"You can stay in the palace." Shmi looks at me, as if I were a ghost or an angel... I understand her reaction... Only seven days ago she was a slave in Tatooine, with no hopes of ever be free. Now, she and her son are in my Palace, under my protection, and her son is a hero for my people. Her life has been changed for the best.

If only I could say the same of the life of the Jedi who made all this possible.

The doors in the chamber open before I can say something to ease Ani's evident disappointment and I turn to see Master Jinn kneeling before me, asking permission to stay on the planet for some time, to heal from his battle. I open my mouth, willing to give him the reassurance that somehow everything will find a solution, but instead of my voice, I hear a very angered 9-year old's.

"You promised me that I was going to be a Jedi! And that you were going to be my master!" Ani is looking at him with his blue, hurt eyes, and suddenly, I feel angry at the boy that enthralled me so much that I never noticed what was happening around me until it was too late. How can he not realize how hard this is for Qui Gon?

"The Code forbids for a master to have two padawans. I was left without a choice." Qui Gon's voice sounds deeply hurt. I should have known, I should have told him to return to Tatooine... But instead I let myself be blind. I believed in the legends that said that Jedi were emotionless, that they only let themselves guide by the Force. That is true to a certain extent. Qui Gon was unchanged until Panaka found him, kneeling in the melting pit security zone. When the mission was over, he let himself recognize what he had lost. For two days, he didn't eat, he didn't talk. He was simply meditating in his quarters, ignoring Ani, ignoring everything. And the day of the celebration, when I went as Padme to inform him that his presence was required by the protocol and the Jedi Council... I could swear that I saw him cry.

Before that, I was sure that he would fight the Jedi Council for the chance to train Anakin, it was so important to him. But when I saw the ghost of a tear in his eyes, I knew that he had lost much more than what anyone would believe.

He had lost his fire.

"You do not have a Padawan." I was so lost in my thoughts that I could not stop Ani's innocent comment. Of course, he did not know, he did not mean to hurt Qui Gon. But he had. He had poured salt in an open wound. "Ani..." I begin, at the same time as his mother. She knows too, that's why she has been silent all this time. "...you saw him in Tatooine."

Young Ani's eyes open with recognition, then confusion. "But... he was a Jedi Knight. Watto said so... And he stayed in Tatooine to free the slaves... You told me that Mom!" Shmi lets out a strangled cry, as the boy confronts all of us. And I realize that she had not fully understood. She had made the same mistake that I did. She had recognized Obi Wan's sacrifice, but not the consequences in Qui Gon.

"I cannot have another Padawan again, Anakin." Qui Gon says, as he rises to his feet. "I have failed too many times."

With that, he leaves the room, and I had to control myself not to run after him, make him come to his senses. But I am not Padme, the maid. Now I am the Queen. And as a Queen, I have to stay.

"Master Qui Gon won your freedom, when he bet against Watto." Shmi is explaining, through tears. "But Watto wouldn't wager me... Obi Wan knew that... and... while you were racing, and his Master was focused on you... He offered himself in exchange for me."

I hold my breath, remembering how surprised Qui Gon had been of seeing his apprentice with us the day of the race, as Obi Wan had told him that he wanted to see the boy with his own eyes, and that he had grow weary of the ship. Qui Gon had teasingly tugged his padawan's braid, admonishing him for being impatient.

And he had not suspected a thing.

Not until the ship took off, as he fought the Sith Lord and he barely escaped with his life. When he fell to the floor of the ship, expecting to see Obi Wan welcoming him, only to find Shmi and Anakin. Not until it was too late.

* * * *

It is night as I walk to my rooms, when Captain Panaka stops me. I am dressed in my maid's clothes, so there is no need for protocol.

"I'm afraid that I do not bring good news." He tells me and I shake my head.

"At this point, I had few hopes." That is painfully truth. After Anakin found out the full story of his and his mother's freedom, he broke out crying. He say that he did not want to be a Jedi knight anymore, that he did not want to be a pilot.

Not if that caused so much grief to anyone. My anger at him disappeared immediately. Even him, so young, had understood what Obi Wan meant to Qui Gon.

Even if no one had told us so.

"The man we sent to Tatooine contacted us. Watto was murdered, and all his slaves where sold. Kenobi is no longer on the planet, and there's no way of knowing where he can be."

I nod, knowing that even with Watto dead, Obi Wan will not escape. The Jedi have honor.

But to stop looking for him?

To let the Jedi Council's cold manners become my own?

Fail the man who gave up his freedom so my people could live?

That, I cannot do. 


	2. Chapter 2 - Anakin

The parade is long and it should be fun, as I watch Jar Jar trying to maintain his equilibrium on the big reptile he is   
mounting. But I cannot smile. I am too nervous, because I don't know what is going to happen to me now.

My mom has her hand on my shoulders, proud because I was the one who saved them all when I destroyed the   
Droid's control base, and Captain Panaka stands at her side... but I wanted to be with Master Qui Gon, who is   
standing in the other side of Pad... Queen Amidala.

He hasn't talked to me since the battle ended, and I don't know why. He is sad, and he is worried, and he thinks he   
failed somehow... but I really don't understand it.

I guess that when I start my training as a Jedi Knight I will know why he feels like that, even when we won.

And maybe Master Qui Gon will laugh again.

I don't think I have heard him laugh since we left Tatooine.

* * * *

I didn't cry when Master Windu told me that I was not going to be trained. I was not going to do that in front of   
him . I don't like him, or the green thing, at all. But I was not going to cry.

I was sure that Qui Gon would make everything work out. That he would come and say that the Council didn't   
know what they were doing, as he had in Coruscant.

But when he came in, he didn't look at me. He just talked to 'Dala and asked permission to stay, just as Master   
Windu said... ignoring me. And even when mom squeezes my shoulder so I will stay quiet I do not.

"You promised me that I was going to be a Jedi! And that you were going to be my master!" I yell, and he finally   
turns to me... but it's as if he were not looking at me at all. His eyes are dull.

"The Code forbids for a master to have two padawans. I was left without a choice." He sounds so different from   
Coruscant, from when he told me to stay in the cockpit... And that takes me back. Maybe I don't have a very good   
reason to be angry after all. The other Jedi... the one who stayed in Tatooine to free the slaves, he had said that I was   
too old for the training. That's why the Council didn't want me. It's not Qui Gon's fault...

But then I realize exactly what he said, and I can't stay quiet.

"You don't have a Padawan." When I saw Qui Gon's face... just broken with infinite sadness in that moment... just   
as my mom's face when she thought that I was not going to see her again... I wish I hadn't say those words. I don't   
know why they hurt him so much, but I don't want him to look so... so lost.

"Ani..." 'Dala and my mom say, almost at the same time. "...you saw him in Tatooine."

I look at them, but I cannot believe it. It cannot be true..."But... he was a Jedi Knight. Watto said so... And he   
stayed in Tatooine to free the slaves... You told me that Mom!" Mom cries when she ears me, and I feel worse every   
minute... I don't know why but I know that whatever that has been hurting Qui Gon is my fault... And I just made it   
worse.

"I cannot have another Padawan again, Anakin." Qui Gon says, as he rises to his feet. "I have failed too many   
times."

He leaves us alone, and I still don't understand. If that man... Obi Wan... was Qui Gon's Padawan... why he   
stayed behind? Why didn't he came with us if he wasn't there to free slaves?

"Master Qui Gon won your freedom, when he bet against Watto" Mom is crying as she talks, but I still can   
understand her. That's what Watto meant when he said that Qui Gon should have been careful betting. "But Watto   
wouldn't wager me... Obi Wan knew that... and... while you were racing, and his Master was focused on you...   
He offered himself in exchange for me." I know my eyes open in shock, as I understand that... Qui Gon had only   
planned to get me out of Tatooine, to see that I was trained. He had not been able to free my Mom...

My mind races back to a mere glimpse of the conversation I heard between Obi Wan and Qui Gon, and I cannot   
believe that I didn't say anything before...

* * * *

"He's too old. He will never pass the Council's test." Obi Wan had said, probably not noticing that I was near them.

"He will. The Force is strong in him." I was very proud then, that Master Qui Gon thought that I was good. Then   
Obi Wan had looked to where my mother was with Padme, and his face was too serious.

"What about his mother? You cannot take a child this old to the academy and hope he will not miss his mother..."

"Patience, my Padawan. Everything will be solved after the race." I hadn't known then what Padawan meant, and   
later I forgot. I thought that maybe it was Obi Wan's birth planet or something... I should have paid more attention.

"Perhaps we will have to stay longer than we thought in this planet." Obi Wan said... and then Master Qui Gon   
laughed... and that was the last time I saw him laugh.

* * * *

Obi Wan stayed in the pits... He said that he didn't trust Sebulba, and caught him as he broke a part of my Pod...   
Thanks to him, I didn't had any troubles in the race, and I won. I never thought of thanking him... then, the next   
day, Mom sent me to pack, and I said goodbye to her and C-3PO ... And when the Sith Lord attacked us, and I   
jumped into the ship... I saw Mom. Obi Wan wasn't in the ship, so when she told me that she was free thanks to   
him... I thought that he had freed her with his lightsaber, and stayed to free all my friends.

I never thought on Qui Gon... didn't looked back.

I threw myself into my mothers arms and began crying then. I didn't want to be a Jedi Knight anymore, or a pilot, or   
anything. I only wanted to see Master Qui Gon smile again... To see Obi Wan again... and thank him for freeing my   
mom... for freeing me...

I would do anything to pay him back.

_Obi Wan:_

_I look at the chain in my neck, the chains in my wrists and I wonder how it all went so wrong. I wonder if things_    
 _could have been different. But more so, I wonder where my Master is now, if I still can consider him my Master, or_    
 _if he convinced the Council to train the boy, even if he was too old._

 _If he did, and the young Anakin is now his Padawan, then maybe my chains are not that heavy, my heart does not_    
 _hurt that much. Because I know that if the boy is with his mother, he won't fear... And if he is as powerful as my_    
 _Master thinks, the fear should not be allowed in his heart._

 _I think back of the last time I saw my Master, when I joined him in the Pod Race. I only had to look at him, betting_    
 _with that disgusting blue creature, that I knew that he had once again got some idea in his head that the Council_    
 _would not approve. Something bound to get him in trouble._

 _He tugged my braid as he always did when he was not really angry, when his reprimands where more of a friendly_    
 _reminder than a real punishment, and told me not to worry... Send reassurance trough our Bond. And after that, I_    
 _shielded my thoughts so abruptly, that only his focus on the boy, the boy that he is so sure that is the Choosen One,_    
 _stopped him from noticing._

 _He never knew that while he went to get Anakin, I used a speeder to get to Watto, and fulfill our pact. My own_    
 _freedom in exchange of Anakin's mother._

_I waited until they were gone, to take her to the ship, and wish her my best regards._

_I never turned back, never saw my Master again after that._

_I didn't stayed long as Watto's slave. In his fashion, he was a kind master, who never once tried to force me into_    
 _using the Force for business. He believed only in himself._

_Perhaps that's why he was killed._

_It had been only three days after the Queen's ship left the Planet, when he was found dead. All his belongings were_    
 _immediately taken by Jabba The Hut, who auctioned us all._

 _I still don't know who I belong to now, a droid made the purchase. While I'm caged in a cell, chained in some_    
 _obscure ship in it's way to my new owner, I don't dare to sought Master Qui Gon through the Bond we shared. I_    
 _haven't cut it, I lack the courage to do so... but even so I keep it closed. I cannot distract my Master._

 _Because in my heart, he will always be my Master._  


	3. Chapter 3 - Qui Gon Jinn

Empty

That's how I am feeling now. Empty, incomplete, alone.

I've been feeling like this ever since we left Tatooine.

Ever since I left Tatooine.

I still have trouble thinking that I am alone, that I cannot rely on him, on my Padawan, to cover my back, to tell me   
when I'm being too impulsive even when it's not really his place. To fight at my side, to tell me not to go against the   
Code. I still turn around, believing that he will be behind me, as the perfect stoic image of the Jedi Knight he would   
become one day... or maybe, as the playful, irreverent student that he always was.

But I only see the empty space at my side, and my mind painfully reminds me that Obi Wan Kenobi is no longer   
with me.

Somehow, I managed to keep my emotions closed and controlled until now, when the fight has ended and I do not   
need to focus on the mission any longer. Now my mind is free to wander back to the sand barren planet where I   
foolishly let my impulses blind me.

Outside the quarters that Queen Amidala has kindly provided me with, everyone is getting ready for the ceremonies   
that will mark the beginning of a lasting peace between the Gungan and the Naboo. I know that I am supposed to be   
there, but I cannot.

Instead, I try to meditate. But I can only think of the past.

My mind will take me back to Tatooine, whether I want it or not.

* * * *

"You've come to enjoy the race, Padawan?" I was pleasantly surprised by Obi Wan's presence in the Pod Race. It   
wasn't usual for us to spend much time separated, as we had been forced to do during our time in Tatooine, so I   
barely asked him for his motives. I was just glad to see him.

"I grew weary of the ship and the dunes around us, master." He answered, smiling to me. " And I wanted to see   
your 'Chosen One' with my own eyes."

I raised my hand, tugging his Padawan braid as I spoke, my way of letting him know that I was not upset at him   
without words or our bond..

"You need to learn about Patience, Obi Wan."

//This from the one who just bet a little boy's future in a game of chance?// The silent question made me frown, but I   
quickly regained a smile.

//You have to trust in me, Obi Wan.// I warned him, then turned to where Anakin and his friends were readying the   
Pod. //Young Ani is special. He must be trained.//

He nodded instead of giving me a verbal answer, his way of telling me that even if he didn't agree with me, he   
would stand at my side.

We were silent for a long time, but I was so embedded in my plans, that when he retired, when he shielded his   
thoughts from our bond with an unusual determination, I did not noticed. I just dismissed it as a new need for   
privacy.

I was so blind.

"He is too old. He will never pass the Council's test." Finally it was Obi Wan who broke our silence, and I turned to   
face him again, as we walked to the pits.

"He will. The force is strong in him." I started to search with my eyes for Anakin among the racers and their teams,   
but Obi Wan's attention remained in Padme and Shmi who had a special place for us to see the race.

"What about his mother? You cannot take a child this old to the Academy and hope he will not miss his family!"

"Patience, young Padawan." I had thought of that, and it was the reason why I had tried to bet both Skywalkers with   
Watto. "Everything will be solved after the race."

He smiled at me then, a true sincere smile. "Perhaps we will have to stay in this planet longer than we thought."

I couldn't stop myself from laughing, and then he excused himself, since he wanted to be in the Pits during the race,   
instead of using the tower to watch it.... Then it was all over, Ani won and we had the parts we needed.

Never once I turned back, or thought about Obi Wan's powerful and unusual mind shield.

The Sith lord attacked me when I was taking Anakin to the Nubian ship, his rage and hate almost overwhelming. But   
even as I yelled to Anakin that he had to board the ship, to tell them to take off without me, I trusted Obi Wan's final   
judgement. I knew that my Padawan would save the Queen, fulfill our mission and still be there to back me up.

Probably with his 'I told you so, master' grin.

And it was that image, Obi Wan's smile, the one that gave me strength to jump to the ship and leave a very pissed   
Sith behind.

I roll into the floor of the ship's vault, breathing a little hard, but still full with that surge of strength that Obi Wan's   
image gave me.

Proud of myself.

Everything was going according to my plans.

But it was not Obi Wan the one who greeted me then, it was not my Padawan who rushed at my side, half worried,   
half exited. It was young Anakin.

I smiled to the boy, reassuring him that I was fine, then lift my eyes when I heard someone else's footsteps, ready to   
meet my padawan's laughing eyes...

Meeting Shmi's sad ones instead.

My heart sank then, and I frantically reached for Obi Wan through our mind bond, only to find it blocked, closed   
with strength than before. Then I knew.

Obi Wan was not in the ship.

We were leaving him behind in Tatooine.

* * * *

Shmi explained me all what she knew, the deal Obi Wan had made with Watto... and I ... I blocked myself to it. I   
remained emotionless when I gave my report to the Council, when I presented Anakin to them, when I was ordered   
to return to Naboo.

I never looked back, not until I faced the Sith Lord again.

He was waiting for me, probably getting ready for his revenge after Tatooine. Our fight took us away from the   
hangar, away from the real fight for Naboo's freedom, leaving only us, the Sith and the Jedi, in our own private   
quarrel.

I was rapidly tiring, trying to block his blows and still land a good hit on his body. He had the advantage of youth,   
but I had experience on my side. Still, it didn't seem enough as all my strikes felt incomplete... I felt that I was not   
fully in our fight.

He had a double edge saber, and it painfully reminded me that the other half of me was not there.

I tried successfully to ignore that feeling, until he looked right into my eyes.

His face, a red and black mask of hate, changed before me, and for a second, I was not facing a nameless dark   
creature.

It was Obi Wan.

Thankfully, the terrible vision only lasted an instant, but it was more than enough to make me loose my balance and   
almost fall to my end in a melting pit.

Then, the Sith Lord was again looking at me, mocking my weakness. "You are dead, old man." He growled, as his   
red lightsaber passed almost slicing my skin "And all Jedi will follow you. Starting with the one who is waiting in   
Tatooine."

Hearing his voice, his treat, the rage blazed in my veins. The image of this vile creature harming Obi Wan refused to   
leave my mind. But I managed to keep myself in control as the fight went on.

"Although it would be a shame... He would be a very powerful Sith..." This time, his face was twisted in an evil   
grin.

That made the flimsy control I had in my emotions disappear. Instead of seeing Obi Wan dead at the hands of the   
dark lord, I saw him standing at his side, a black cloak covering his shoulders, looking at me with endless hate. I   
roared and attacked with renewed strength, no longer caring about getting information about him, just wanting to kill   
him, to destroy him, to make sure that his evil would never taint Obi Wan's life.

My lightsabre pierced his stomach, pinning him like a strange insect in a children's collection... and I watched as he   
fell in the pit with a smile in my face.

Only then I realized what I had done.

I let my caged feelings of the last few days free.

All my confidence disappeared. I had no will to keep on living, to fight... I couldn't even find in me the strength to   
defend Anakin's right to be trained.

And in doing so, I failed Obi Wan one last time.

The Council was adamant in their decision. Obi Wan would be left to the Will of the Force, even if he was not going   
to be shunned by the Academy. If he regained his freedom, he could finish his training and take the trials, if that was   
his wish.

I was encouraged to find a new Padawan, or to continue my work alone. I choose the last option.

I will never take another Padawan under my care.

I will not betray Obi Wan ever again.

* * * *

A knock on my door pulls me out of my meditation and I go to open it, expecting to see Queen Amidala, or maybe   
young Anakin, trying to make me change my mind. What I did not expect was to meet Shmi Skywalker's piercing   
eyes, full of sadness.

"You must eat, Master Qui Gon. " she tells me, her face stern. "It won't be good for anyone if you keep punishing   
yourself. "

"My welfare should not be your concern, Shmi." I tell her, slightly annoyed that she is here. I know it is not her   
fault that Obi Wan stayed behind, but even so in my mind it hurts.

"But it is, Jedi." She continues, not paying much attention to my words. "Everyone is worried for you. Even Jar Jar   
has noted your mood change."

"I will be fine." I lie, I know I won't be fine ever again, but if I admit it out loud, then the pain might grow.

"Only if you stop hiding your head in the sand!!" She snaps back, so suddenly that I back off, letting her inside the   
room. "I have little time of knowing you, Qui Gon Jinn, but I know you were not the kind of man who accepts   
defeat easily... who would not let down his young apprentice..."

I blink, suddenly upset. "If you're here to try to convince me to train Anakin, you're loosing your time."

She held my eyes for a long time, not backing down. I admired her. It is no wonder that her son has such a high   
midiclorian count. In her own way, she also has the Force with her. "I wasn't talking about Anakin... but about Obi   
Wan, your Padawan."

I couldn't answer her. Her words were a mirror of my own fears and feelings.

"The Council... decided..."

"What do the Council has to do with this?!" Shmi looks at me sternly, making me wince. She is right, I never   
heeded the Council before, why now I'm doing it?. "I cannot understand you... If he is so important for you, why   
are you so ready to give up all hopes of seeing him again?"

"I did everything that I could for my apprentice... There was nothing more to be done."

"If you cannot do more for your apprentice, what about doing something for the one you love?" Then she is gone,   
leaving me to stare at the empty hallway.

'For the one you love...'

The One I Love...

Have I been so blind to my own emotions?

I close the door to continue my meditation, and this time my thoughts start flowing in another direction. I see Obi   
Wan fighting at my side, walking with me, half asleep as we wait to arrive to the next half forgotten planet we've   
been sent to... I see him passing his trails to Knighthood and choosing to stay at my side...

First, I'm ashamed of my selfishness. How could I have expected him to stay always at my side?

Then I realize that it is true. I was expecting him to stay with me forever. And what is worse, I hadn't let myself   
admit it.

I love him so much that I hadn't even considered not being with him, not having him at my side.

In the moment I admit it to myself, I sought our bond, the one that had formed since we meet and had grown   
stronger as the emotions behind it changed. I had to make him know....

But as soon as I could feel the bond, that part of my mind that had been always occupied by Obi Wan, I could feel   
the strong shields that my Padawan had built around his mind. I sent a stronger call, wishing that he would   
acknowledge me.

And then the bond was cut.

Obi Wan had cut it, only letting his shields down for a brief instant, before drifting away from me.

And the words I heard in that second, made my heart froze.

//Do not worry about me, Master... I... I must no longer be your concern...//

_Obi Wan:_

_My new owner came to meet me, after I spend two days without eating. I was not consciously reveling, I have no_    
 _wish to die... but I couldn't bring the food to my mouth or to my stomach._

_The droids usually left me alone._

_But then, their owner... my owner... came to see me._

_I have not seen his face, he was wearing a green armor, an opaque helmet. He was holding a rifle in his hands, and_    
 _even through the darkness of my cell, the darkness that covered his features, I knew he was smiling. His eyes were_    
 _piercing me, mocking me._

 _"I don't want troubles with my merchandize." He said, his voice cold. "If you won't eat, I'll put you on carbon_    
 _freeze." I blinked, wondering if that would be so bad."...It will be interesting to know if a Jedi can survive the_    
 _process." I know he is making a threat... However, maybe I would like that... Die and end my pain... My_    
 _loneliness. But then he tugged my braid, forcefully pulling it to force me to meet his face. My face, mirrored in the_    
 _blackness of his helmet. "But you are not good for me dead, someone is paying a lot for live Jedi... and I never_    
 _expected to have the luck to find you so easily."_

_"Wh... what?" My voice sounds raspy... I haven't had much need for it, surrounded by droids._

_"Obi Wan Kenobi, you will be a good bait for getting Qui Gon Jinn on chains." My owner said, and I could almost_    
 _see the cruel smile playing in his lips. Feel his hate towards me and my Master..._

_//Obi Wan...//_

_The familiar presence, testing my shields, startled me. Whoever my owner was, he knew of Master/Apprentice_    
 _bonds... and he had just bought me to get Qui Gon. I couldn't let that happen._

 _I couldn't let my Master reach me... I couldn't become a willing bait. And so, even when it broke my heart to do so,_    
 _I used all my will to cut our bond, to make sure that there would be no way that Qui Gon would know where I_    
 _was..._

 _I only sent one last message, before forcing me to live in silence. //Do not worry about me, Master... I... I must no_    
 _longer be your concern...//_  


	4. Chapter 4 - C-3PO

Master Fett is with his prisoner again, and I've been waiting for him outside the cell as he ordered me to.

He bought me in Tatooine, not much longer after Master Anakin and Mistress Shmi left the planet with the Jedi Knight.

I'm afraid I cannot remember the details of my sale, as I was shut off during most of the time. But I know that something is not right. Master Anakin promised me that I would not be sold, that I would stay in Tatooine during all my useful years.

Even when my joints are no longer stiff thanks to the sand and Master Fett finished my construction... I miss my young Master Anakin.

I risk a glance at the cell, not quite seeing Master Fett's prisoner...

I know he is human, and that Master Fett either captured him or bought him in Tatooine, but that's all. He is an important prisoner, as Master Fett seems somewhat concerned for his welfare.

"Get in there, and don't move until he has eaten something!" Master Fett yells as he leaves the cell, pacing furious.

I do not dare to risk his wrath, and obey immediately.

"Master Fett says you must eat. " I say, not quite looking at the chained human. But he pays no attention to the food trail I'm carrying, so I have to sit at his side and turn to see him. If he doesn't eat, Master Fett will focus his rage on me. And I'm very sensitive to pain, regardless of the opinion of my human companion.

But I cannot believe my visual circuits when they recognize him. "Master Kenobi?" I ask, wondering why the young Jedi is here in chains. I knew him briefly, when he and his Maser Jinn arrived to Mistress Shmi's house, and I supposed that he had left Tatooine with them. They struck me as belonging together.

He looked at me, weary. It's one of the main troubles that human beings have. They can't last much time without sustenance or rest. He blinked once, probably not recognizing me. Goodness! Probably no sentient being who had known me in Tatooine would have recognized me. My finished gold plate covers my parts and gives me a more distinguished appearance, more adequate for a Protocol 'Droid as I am. And as Master Kenobi doesn't show any sign of activity, I prompt myself for a reintroduction. I'm eager to know more about what happened while I was deactivated. "I am C-3PO, we meet in Tatooine, in my maker's house... young Anakin Skywalker. I'm sure you must remember him, after all, he went with you to train to become a Jedi..." I trail off as his eyes flicker with hurt. Not that I fully understand inner pain. I only have the briefest and unpleasant experience with physical distress, so I do not have enough data to be absolutely sure that it was hurt what Master Kenobi was experiencing. Still, I decided that it would be better if I kept silent. I did not leave, of course, as Master Fett's orders were very clear. After minutes of silence, he whispered something that I did not quite got.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, absolutely certain that my question would be ignored.

"Anakin and his mother must be in Corcusant now." Master Kenobi had his sight fixed in the farthest wall. Probably because humans have never thought of droids as more than commodities.

"You are saying that as if it was a bad thing." I was not lying. His voice was clearly distressed, and any sensor could pick it up. But he looked at me as if my circuits had burned themselves. I could see dark lines under his eyes, clear sign of exhaustion.

"You wouldn't understand... droids cannot understand loneliness." He finally said, with a very odd looking smile in his lips. Probably a self pity human expression.

But I cannot help but feel wounded by his comment. Droids are machines, but so are live organism. Any sentient being can feel, even if some are programmed to. "Perhaps you are right, Master Kenobi." I say, harsh and uncaring. "We cannot understand loneliness or abandonment as humans do. We do not feel lost or confused when we are being sold and go from one master to another, even if the new master tortures us or makes us do task for which we were not constructed. We do not feel angry to be discarded as junk as soon as a new model is developed. But perhaps I am being too harsh with my sarcasm, and I am hurting your feelings. Then again, I would not know. Nobody worries about upsetting a droid." He blinks again, and then he picks up the fork in his food tray, barely nibbling his food. "I'm sorry. I'm sure that Anakin and his mother are in good hands. Probably he misses you."

After that, he did not spoke again. He ate quietly and barely acknowledged my departure from the cell. Apparently, I really had somehow hurt  **his**  feelings. I thought I could apologize later. I was returning to my duties when I saw Master Fett talking with someone else. A dark holographic image, hidden under a black cloak. "The Jedi Apprentice will be your as soon as you pay the price." Master Fett was saying, and the hooded figure nodded. "I will capture the Master after giving you the boy."

I try not to pry in human's affairs, or eavesdrop. It is a very rude habit that I try not to encourage in my fellow units. Still, I stayed. I must confess that I felt very curious regarding Master Kenobi's final destination. It could very easily be worse than this.

"My Apprentice will be waiting in the designated Meeting Point. He will make sure that you receive your payment, mercenary." The voice of the holographic image quivered with something very much alike the hate that Master Fett holds for everything organic. "And remember, we want him alive, not unharmed."

Oh, my.

That cannot be good for Master Kenobi.

In any other circumstance I would have ignored this conversation in it's entirely, erase it from my memory circuits and leave it at that.

However, Master Anakin is with the Jedi... and I am very sure that Master Jinn must be searching for Master Kenobi. The Jedi did not seemed to approve any kind of organic beings' slavery, so he certainly must be concerned about Master Kenobi's situation.

And maybe if the Jedi free Master Kenobi, I will return with Master Anakin.

I wait until Master Fett returns to his quarters and all the other droids are occupied somewhere else before heading to the communications ports.

After all, my main function is communications and I'm fluent in a million languages.

I pause for a moment, wondering what message will be more effective. I'm using the same frequency as the Naboo, since I remember quite clearly the small R2 unit that accompanied the Jedi. D2 was under the orders of the Naboo Queen, so I suppose it will be the easier and fastest way to reach Master Jinn.

The words of the message are quite clear, and if it reaches them, they will hurry. Of that, I can be quite certain.

After the signal has been sent, I return to my normal duties, I do not want to appear as suspicious. Now, it is the Jedi's turn to act and arrive before we reach the Meeting point, and I loose contact with Master Kenobi. 


	5. Chapter 5 - Queen Amidala

I still do not know why I am doing this.

I am Queen of Naboo, I was chosen to protect my people.

Then why I am sitting here, listening as Senator... no, Chancellor Palpataine tries to convince me to sign the Trade Federation's deal, as a show of peaceful intentions?

How could I have voted for him, instead of maintaining my faith on Chancellor Vallorum?

I am only 14 years old... but unlike other girls my age, I am not allowed to make any mistakes.

And I fear I made a terrible one.

A mistake I might not be able to rectify.

Still, I have to try.

I open my mouth, ready to tell Chancellor Palpatine that his suggestions are unacceptable, when the doors of the audience room open quite violently, and little Anakin runs towards me, obviously very excited about something.

"'Dala... Your Majesty... Please! Come here! We... I ... I have to show you something!" He is at my side in a second, and tugs my sleeve as Palpatine and my Senators look quite insulted.

"Young Anakin..." I begin, hating to use a formal tone with him. "I am in a very important reunion with Chancellor Palpatine. I will go later."

"But... But... It's  _REALLY_  Important!!"

"Your Majesty..." Captain Panaka enters the room, and I can see signs of excitement in his face. "...It is a matter  _most_  urgent"

"Very well." I rise, very grateful to be able to dismiss my Senators and Palpatine. Every meeting I have with him gives me a dreadful feeling of... something wrong in the air. "Chancellor Palatine, I offer my apologies. We will continue our talks tomorrow."

The holographic image bows and disappears as I walk out, following Panaka and Ani, who is still jumping with excitement.

"What is it?" I ask, barely maintaining my patience. "The Chancellor..."

"We found Obi-Wan!!!" Ani's words block out anything I could have said. "But he is in trouble..."

"We received a message in Tandoryan, your Majesty. " Panaka explains, as we hurry to Master Jinn's quarters. "It was coded, but Ani managed to decipher it. He says it's from an android he built in Tatooine..."

"It is!" Ani interrupts, harshly. "It was from 3PO! He's with Obi Wan!!"

"The message comes from a unit O-P3C..." Panaka begins to explain. He looks very shaken too... After all, he did formed a good friendship with Obi-Wan on the way to Tatooine, a friendship who turned in sheer idol worship when he learned of Obi-Wan's sacrifice.

I understand him. I also feel a deep admiration for such a brave man. And if I wasn't aware of how Master Jinn feels towards his Padawan, I would let my heart dream of Obi Wan.

"It's our code!" Ani's voice pulls me out of those thoughts, and I'm grateful. He is also very dear to me... If only he were older. "O-P3C is C-3PO backwards! Besides, who else would have thought of sending the message in Tandoryan?"

"What did the message said?" I ask, our half run almost over. It must be a strange view for anyone. The Queen, dressed in one of the most complicated royal attires, her personal guard's Captain, and a little boy running across the Palace and yet pretending not to run.

"Kenobi is in the hands of a bounty hunter... He's going to be sold in Datoine. We have the coordinates of the ship..."

"Datoine is part of the Republic!!" I cannot stop my indignant tone. That someone in the Republic allows slavery, that someone could pay to capture a Jedi Knight... that's against all my beliefs. "The Senate must hear about this!"

"But we have to save Obi-Wan first!" Anakin looks at me with disbelief. He is too young to understand.

Finally, we reach Qui-Gon's quarters. I am not sure of how to breach the subject, how to tell Master Jinn about the message. Even when his disposition has got a little better, he still spends every day meditating, his face full of sorrow.

When he opens the door, you can almost see the exhaustion in his back. He seems somewhat older, tired. Worse than when he accepted the Council's decision regarding Anakin's fate.

"We found him!!" Ani almost jumps over Qui-Gon, making him step back, his eyes round we surprise. "We have to save him!!"

"Master Jinn..." Panaka begins, following protocol. "We received a distress signal from a ship... A droid there..."

"C-3PO." Anakin interrupts, anxious to act.

"C-3PO" Concedes Panaka. "claims that Obi-Wan Kenobi is going to be sold in Datoine."

"My ship is at your disposition." I finally say, Qui-Gon's eyes fix in Anakin, then in me. "My personal guard is small but my people will help you anyway you need. It's the least we can do." But he only shakes his head in negative.

"I cannot accept, your majesty. I cannot ask you to put your planet in danger for my account."

The man is as stubborn as ever, even if his voice doesn't carry the sarcasm it had in Tatooine.

"I am not doing it just for you, " I say, trying to maintain my royal calm. "Anakin saved the planet, and he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and Obi-Wan's sacrifice. We own him our freedom." He opens his mouth, probably to object. I won't let him. "If it will make you feel better, I will make a formal request to the Jedi Council to help us free Obi-Wan, as he is a hero for all the Naboo and Gungan."

I turn around, paying no attention to Qui-Gon's surprised stare, to Anakin's scowl, to Panaka's soft smile.

I am the Queen.

It's time to act like one.

* * * *

The meeting with the Jedi Council was as frustrating as any talk with the Senate. The 'Peace and Patience' of the Jedi Code can make anyone want to scream.

But I managed to stay calm. And in some fashion, they understood. Master Jinn still doesn't has their authorization to search actively for Obi-Wan alone, but the Council will send a representative to review the situation.

By the time Master Windu arrives, there might still be time to save Obi-Wan.

I'm immersed in my thoughts when Captain Panaka enters my quarters, his face pale. It's not a nice sight. I've known him since I was able to walk, and I cannot remember of a single time I saw him pale.

"Captain, is there something wrong?" Stupid question. There must be something wrong to cause that expression on his face.

"Your Majesty... A ship has just took off, ten minutes ago." He tells me, barely containing his shock. "It is piloted by Anakin... and it appears that Master Jinn and R2-D2 are with him."

"Their course? I cannot believe it. Master Jinn didn't disobeyed the Council when they practically forbade him from doing anything, and now that they're bending, he chooses to act. Or maybe it was Ani's idea.  _That_  wouldn't be a surprise.

"They're going straight to Datoine." I nod, and Panaka waits patiently. I know that he wants to go too... I wish I could go...

"Take a ship and follow them. They might need help." He looks at me, surprised, but then bows, indicating that he will follow my orders. "I will explain everything to Master Windu and the Jedi Council."

My Captain leaves, and I look through the window. Somewhere in the sky, Ani, Qui Gon and R2 are looking for Obi-Wan. Somewhere, far away, Obi-Wan is suffering because we choose a path without thinking on the consequences.

And I am here, on the planet, having to choose a new path.

I have made mistakes in the past.

It is time to put them right.

I activate the computer on my throne, and type my password. "Computer, display all the files on Senator Palpatine. I want to know all about him, his past, and his movements. All about his associates, and family." If what I fear is true, then it will be hard to find evidence.... but I have learned too much in this day.

Everyone makes mistakes.

But one has to have courage to set them right. 


	6. Chapter 6 - Anakin

I can't believe it!

I can't believe how they can simply ignore Obi-Wan just because of protocol and honor!

I thought that Amidala would order her guards to go to Dantooine as soon as she knew what 3PO had sent us, that Qui-Gon would be on the ship as soon as we told him that we had found Obi-Wan... But NO! He kept saying that the Council had to decide what to do and how to do it... that he could not accept 'Dala's help because that was against the Code.

Stupid Code. What is the good into knowing how to use the Force if you can't use it!?

'Dala said that Obi-Wan is a hero of Naboo, and that she would personally request that the Council allow her and Qui-Gon to save him. Of course, by the time that the old bantha poodoos on the Council decide to do anything, Obi-Wan could be on the other side of the Galaxy! Panaka took me to the hangars, since while we wait for the Council to answer Amidala's request I am supposed to start my lessons as a pilot; then he went away, ordering me not to move from this ship. Now that's great. It's better than do nothing. But I still think that we could be doing something more.

We should be going to save Obi-Wan.

R2 beeps near me, as he is very concerned too. I really like him because he is the only one who understands why I need to be doing something! Besides, he is a good friend of 3PO - I'm sure he wants to see him again...

Mmmm...

I grab a screwdriver and motion R2 to come near... I'm not sure if his unit has what I need...

* * * *

It has been fifteen minutes since R2 left to find Qui-Gon. The holographic projector I just installed seemed to be working fine as I watched the first test, so I'm not really worried.

Sure, using an holograph to dare a Jedi might not be seen as an act of courage, but that way he won't be able to use that mind trick I saw him try to use with Watto. My old boss might have been immune to it, but I'm sure I'm not. Besides, if my words are recorded, he won't be able to interrupt me.

I think that we've got all we need on the ship - the supplies, life support. . .

There are no weapons, but that is because Naboo is a  **peaceful**  planet. Didn't look too peaceful to me the first time I was here, but that might be just my opinion.

I wish I had a blaster, but they say I am too young for that. Too young to have a blaster, too old to be a Jedi.

Sure.

20 minutes.

Maybe R2 couldn't convince Qui-Gon to hear my message.

Maybe my message wasn't convincing enough.

What did he want? An holographic Obi-Wan saying 'Help me, Qui Gon Jinn. You're my only hope'?

If I had enough images of Obi-Wan, I bet I could do it.

25 minutes.

O.K. Time's up. I go to the cockpit, a little sad. I really hoped that Qui-Gon would come. I mean, it's  **his**  padawan's life that's at stake.

But I can't wait longer. They say I saved this planet alone; I'm sure I can save one Jedi knight. Right?

As I turn on the engines, I hear R2 beeping through the communicator in the cargo bay of the ship. Well, I least I'm not alone.

"Anakin..." Qui-Gon's voice sounds stern through the communicator, but I don't pay much attention to it. I won't let him talk me out of this.

"Hold on to something, Master Jinn" I tell him, and close the cargo bay doors. I can't risk him or R2 falling during take off, can I?

"You should not be on this ship, Ani. Open the doors, and we will talk."

"Captain Panaka said that I had to stay here." I smile, knowing that he will remember this. "Just as you said that I had to stay in the cockpit during the Gungan battle."

Then the engines finish their first round, and the ship moves. I talked enough with Rick Ollie and Panaka to know where everything is. Since the Council pushed me out for the second time, I have been studying this ship.

Being a pilot might be even more fun than being a Jedi. At least pilots can do whatever they want.

We leave Naboo's gravity in seconds, and the sky turns black. The stars are immobile... I let the autopilot take care. After all, I'm sure R2 programmed the fastest course to Dantooine.

"Anakin, please let me in." As I hear Qui-Gon, I open the cabin doors. He can't be too angry, as he didn't use the Force to make me do so. At least, I hope he didn't.

"You want to go back?" I ask, sad. I mean, we're on our way, but I don't think I can put up much resistance if he decides that this is not proper.

To my surprise, he shakes his head, smiling sadly.

It's a sad smile, sure, but it is a smile.

"No, Ani. You were right in your message." He says and sits in the empty chair at my side. "We have to save Obi-Wan."

Yippie!!!

_Obi- Wan:_

_I swallow hard, trying to keep my words, my thoughts to myself._

_My temporary owner is a cruel man, a cunning enemy. After my short attempt at starving, when Anakin's droid made me see the mistakes I was making, I tried a new approach. I stopped talking. Then he left me on my own for a day. Maybe two._

_I cannot keep track of the time anymore._

_Then he returned._

_He mocks me, the Code, my master. He tortures me physically, trying to break me mentally._

_I can finally understand his actions, as he commands one of his mute droids to use electro-shocks to make me talk._

_At first, I thought he wanted to know more about my Master, to find a way to capture him. Or to make me cry through our now non-existent bond, to make Qui-Gon come to him._

_But then he dared me to try and re-form that bond in the darkness, dared me to find why my master no longer cares about me. I knew then that my cruel captor knew that I had cut the Master-Padawan bond._

_What my captor wants is for me to hate him. To give in to the Dark Side. To deny my master as I denied our bond._

_Master Yoda's words echo in my mind as the electric wave tortures my body._

_Pain leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and that is the path to the Dark Side._

_There was a time when that mantra alone would help me to focus my center, to accept and free my feelings._

_Now... now I fear I'm not strong enough._

_And fear..._

_Fear is the path to the Dark Side._  


	7. Chapter 7 - Qui-Gon Jinn

I do not know if I should be angry at myself for not doing this before or worried because I am doing it now.

Part of me is still saying I should be on Naboo, waiting for the Council's decision. They have never turned their backs to someone in need, or to an unfairness done in the Republic.

But it's a very small part of me.

The other part is too busy wondering why I had to wait until a nine year old boy pointed me in the right direction.

Wondering why I chose to hear Obi-Wan's last words to me as a rejection of my feelings.

'I must no longer be your concern' does not mean 'I don't share your feelings, master.' Not in my padawan's words at least.

He always was very forward in his dealings with me, never hiding his reproach if he felt that I was wrong.

With the exception of his decision to stay on Tatooine, true.

But I still wonder... was that because I was so blinded by Anakin's potential that I never noticed what was around me? Or because of my own hidden feelings?

Hidden from me at least - apparently everyone else had seen them from the beginning.

That was why after that last message from Obi-Wan's mind, I buried myself in meditation, trying to regain my center... another way of 'hiding my head in the sand' as Shmi Skywalker so bluntly stated. It was Anakin's message what made me see it was time to stop.

Even if it opened old wounds.

'I'm going to save Obi-Wan because he saved my mom.' the holographic image of Ani had said, 'If you can't come because the Council says so... then why should anyone want to become your Padawan?'

Yes, that hurt more than Ani could know, because the child cannot know that all his hopes and enthusiasm about being trained as a Jedi do not compare to Obi-Wan's own determination when he was 12 years old...

When I refused him for the first time.

The memory of my young Padawan standing next to the door with Xanatos' symbol, his eyes clear, his mind set on dying in order to save Bandomeer, in order to save  **me**  stirs my mind. He was set on dying then and there, as a Jedi, trying to save people instead of awaiting his death without doing anything. It was he who found out how to stop the bombs Xanatos had set on the planet, and how to help me to find the strength to bury the past. It wasn't the only time he saved me... he always seemed ready to put his life in the line of fire, as long as mine was safe...

Why I didn't think of this before?

"We might be going right into a trap, Ani." He turns to see me, surprise and shock filling his eyes.

"No way! 3PO would never betray me!" Such belief in his friends only fuels the fire of his conviction. I'm still sure that he would make a fine Jedi... but he is also too passionate at his young age. Perhaps he will become a better pilot, a true fighter.

"I never said that, Ani. I just believe that the man who has captured Obi-Wan might expect a rescue party. We must be ready."

"There are no weapons on this ship..." Anakin's voice sounds almost apologetic. But I understand his desire to take off immediately. If I had not been busy burying myself in self-pity, I would have done the same.

I nod, and take out something that I have been carrying with me since Tatooine. As soon as he sees it, his eyes grow with wonder.

It is Obi-Wan's lightsaber. One of many things he left behind, but the only one I could keep with me. "I cannot train you as a Jedi, Anakin. But I won't let you go into battle without some sort of defense. I am sure that Obi-Wan would be honored if you carried his lightsaber during this mission."

We're still days away from Dantoine. It will not be enough time to show Anakin more than the basic moves with the lightsaber.

But I cannot risk the boy's life as I go to save Obi-Wan. Not when he was the one who finally helped me to come this far.

So I smile at him, as he races to the cargo bay to start practicing, and then I follow. My thoughts travel to Obi-Wan, and his resignation when he realized that I would not accept him as a Padawan, his silent joy when I finally gave in and listened to my heart instead of listening to my past mistakes.

But the truth is that I was not the teacher in the most important part of our lives.

I might have taught Obi-Wan the Jedi principles, how to be mindful of the living Force, and how to act always according to the Code. But he taught me to break the self-imposed walls around my heart. That's the only lesson that really matters.

* * * *

Dantooine is just a day away, but my heart is heavy with sorrow. I am not worried about Anakin; he is a good learner, and if things get bad, he will be able to defend himself.

It is Obi-Wan's safety and health the that concern me.

Every night after my Padawan cut our bond, when I realized the truth of my feelings, I wasted time meditating about the past, trying to regain my calm with memories of happier times. But when I realized what reasons Obi-Wan could have had for cutting the bond the way he did, I redirected all my efforts into rebuilding it.

Such an attempt, with so much distance between us, normally would be impossible.

But I always have believed that our bond is special. It was created almost by itself, when I was shielding myself tightly against Obi-Wan, against everyone.

Then, it was he who reached for me, even if he didn't know it at the time. Now, it's my turn to reach for his mind, to find him and give him what little support I can lend without being physically at his side. For the last three days, I sensed nothing. My mind stretched as far as I could send it, but if Obi-Wan was near, he was blocking himself from me.

But today it was different. Although it was only for a moment, I could feel Obi-Wan's presence through the broken bond... A split second that showed me more than I would have wanted to see...

It was an overwhelming sense of loss, betrayal, and despair.

Just as I tried to make a more permanent contact, to reach Obi-Wan with my own feelings, make him know that we were coming to his rescue, I was blocked by a wave of rage and hate.

The Dark Side.

It is closing near my beloved Padawan, keeping me away from him.

I can't allow that to happen.

Long ago, before I accepted Obi-Wan as my Padawan, I promised myself that I would not lose him to the Dark Side. In those days, it was out of shame from my failure with Xanatos. Now, it is because of my love for Obi-Wan.

I will not lose him.

I will not surrender my heart to the Dark Side.   
 

_Obi Wan:_

_I don't know if I can keep fighting._

_I don't know if I want to resist._

_I am waiting for my new owner to arrive, with only the company of one of the mute droids of the bounty hunter who bought me on Tatooine. I still do not know what is to be my final destiny, but have a small hope that it won't be worse than this._

_I'm surprised that I'm still capable of hope, now that practically all else has been stripped from me._

_Was it so long ago that I was at my Master's side, fighting for peace, and sure that the light would always triumph? It seems so. I can't remember how it feels to be at his side..._

_I love my Master. One day I woke up and I knew it was true... But I never acted on it, never told him what I felt. I was confident that even if he did not reciprocate my love, he would allow me to stay at his side. I wanted to trust him... I wanted to believe that he would find me after freeing Naboo..._

_Not anymore._

_It is not only that I cut our link. It is not only that I do not want him to be prey to the same evil that has caught me... It is the certainty that he is not looking for me anymore... Because if he was looking for me, I wouldn't have been able to cut our bond that easily._

_The doubts are not mine, or so I try to tell myself. They have been planted in my heart by the bounty hunter's words as he tortures me... as he touches me..._

_I shudder with shame every time my thoughts travel in that direction. When he saw that electro-shocks weren't enough to make me break... he devised other ways to break me._

_I am no longer whole._

_And while he raped my body, his words seeded my mind._

_I was not strong enough to defend myself._

_Tears of shame, of fear, of despair run down my face._

_Then the door of my cage opens; I see my new owner's face for the first time and the fear grows in my heart so fast that I cannot stop it. I have seen his face before, and he is surrounded by nothing but rage and hate._

_His red and black marked face smiles evilly at me as he inspects my naked body, to see the scars that the slavery has caused. His yellow eyes show me that they will be my last concern from now on, that he will make new ones._

_But that is not what sickens me the most. That is not what makes the tears continue._

_What shames me is that his touch makes me shudder._

_That part of my heart now welcomes the Dark._  


	8. Chapter 8 - C-3PO

Oh my goodness...

Everything is happening too fast for my taste, and I most definitely do not like it.

We arrived on Dantooine, and there were no signs of Jedi or other ships in the desert city that was chosen as the meeting place. It appeared to have been glorious in the past, but now it was only ruins. A devastation very much like the desert on Tatooine.

Master Fett ordered me and ten more units to accompany him and Master Kenobi to the exchange, because we were to receive the payment. I tried not to look too closely at Master Kenobi... he was half naked and his skin showed the scars of constant torture. I was sure that he would not appreciate that someone could see them.

And I did not want to give him false hope.

As soon as the cage was positioned, the buyer arrived. I have never met such a truly terrifying sentient, even though he was at least a head shorter than Master Fett.

Dressed all in black, his face marked with an intricate design in red and black, Master Kenobi's new owner had enough presence to freeze anyone to the spot.

The man, who refused to give any name or identification, agreeded that Master Fett's droids would retrieve the agreed payment from his ship, which was not far away.

I was among the lucky ones that Master Fett chose.

I must admit, I was curious to know how much an enslaved Jedi Knight was worth.

But once in the dark man's ship, I realized that I had a very unique opportunity. Of course, I was acting purely based on my vast inexperience and desire to help Master Anakin... Since no one had arrived to rescue Master Kenobi, I could only assume that it was for reasons unknown to me... and if they arrived after the dark man was gone, I wanted to stay useful to them in case Master Anakin was not in the rescue party.

As soon as I was left alone, I rushed to one of the nearest communications console and downloaded the ship's route. Of course, it was a fool's attempt, a suicide decision... but it was something that would please Master Anakin.

I hurried out once I had the route secure in my data banks, just in time to see the dark man pull Master Kenobi out of his cell, studying him as if he were an animal.

Master Kenobi was now naked, with chains around his neck, ankles and wrists. His eyes were glazed as he was forced to his feet by the dark man; he seemed to have lost the small force of will that he still had the last time I saw him.

The dark man grinned as he touched Master Kenobi's skin, tracing the scars that Master Fett had left, making Master Kenobi shudder. He seemed to be enjoying Master Kenobi's pain more than the view of his body.

Master Fett motioned with his head as he ordered me and the other units to return to his ship, as we were supposed to leave the 'client' and Master Kenobi alone the moment that the payment was secured. I allowed myself to turn back and see Master Kenobi again as the dark man dragged him to his own ship, while all his hopes of rescue were destroyed. No one could save him now.

Master Kenobi had been shoved into the dark man's ship when the sound of shooting lasers called everyone's attention. The dark man turned to Master Fett and growled. It was one of the most disgusting things I have had the displeasure to see, as his teeth were a noxious black marked with yellow stains.

The door of the cargo bay blast open and we could all see Master Jinn and Master Anakin fight the last combat droids that Master Fett had placed for our security. Both of them were using shining swords that any battle logic would say were ineffective against blasters, but they were gaining ground.

"Go now!" Master Fett yelled at his client, while getting his own weapon ready. "I'll soon bring Jinn in chains to your master."

The dark man glared, but then nodded. He only paused to stare straight into Master Jinn's eyes, making him stop. For a moment, I was sure that Master Jinn paled, and the dark man smiled.

Another terrifying sight that I would erase from my memory banks gladly.

The dark man's ship took off as Master Fett and the combat-equipped units attacked Master Jinn and Master Anakin with all their power. I wish I could say that I witnessed the battle, but I must admit that I am a coward at heart - I tried to put distance between me and the striking lasers.

At least I can say that I had enough good sense to stay away from Master Fett's ship. I knew that my owner wouldn't take long in figuring out that I had been the one who sent the distress signal which led Master Jinn to us... and if he lost, as I hoped he would, my sensitive circuits wouldn't stand the torture that would be awaiting for me. If Master Fett won, I could never face Master Anakin again.

While I was running, I saw a black skinned man, uniformed in a similar guise to that of the Nubian girl that had been accompanying Master Jinn and Master Kenobi on Tatooine. He had a blaster in his hand, and I could only hope that he was there to help Master Jinn and Master Anakin.

I found a ship in one of the gardens of the city and hid behind it. I was sure that it was the ship that Master Anakin and Master Jinn had used to reach Dantooine, but I could not board it without permission.

I was absolutely sure that I would have a lot of time to think about all what had happened, but I was suddenly surprised to hear a familiar beeping behind me.

"Breep? Bip Beep!!"

"R2-D2, sir! I am delighted to see you again!" It was true; I cannot express how glad I was to see a familiar unit again... Of course, now I have come to see that R2 does has some particular insights into how to deal with many situations to which I would most readily object, but at the moment I was just happy to see someone who could help me to find a safer place.

"Bipbreep broo?"

"Master Kenobi? He has been taken off planet by his new owner. They left as soon as Master Anakin arrived."

"BEEEPBREEP!! BRIP BREEP!!"

"We cannot go to tell them, R2D2! If Master Fett sees me he will most surely terminate my functions!" R2 just beeped a very offensive adjective before returning to the ship. I probably should not have followed, but I had to object to his description of my circuits.

Once inside, he led me to a communicators console, insisting that since it had been me who had led Master Anakin and Master Jinn to this situation, it should be me who that updated them.

I cannot say that it did not please me to hear Master Anakin's voice through his communicator again, or his clear happiness when he learned that I had the dark man's location in my memory banks.

If everything was already too rushed for my tastes, after I said that phrase on the communicator, the speed doubled. Perhaps tripled.

The sounds of lasers that I had been hearing only by communicator suddenly sounded much more closer, and the next thing I knew, Master Jinn, Master Anakin and the dark skinned man I saw earlier ran inside the cockpit and we took off, still amidst the fire of some droids.

And I know that Master Fett won't leave us alone that easily. He wants Master Jinn.

After we had put some distance between us and Dantooine, Master Anakin hugged me, very happy to see me. I was delighted. Even though he did not have time to finish me, he is my maker and my one true owner. I do not have any desire to leave his side.

And I know I won't be leaving his side soon. I gave them the ship's route, and when the dark skinned man, Captain Demi Panaka from the Naboo's Queen's Royal Guard deciphered it, he cursed.

Apparently, Master Kenobi's new captor is taking him to Coruscant, in the center of the Republic.

We are on our way to Coruscant now, and everyone seems incredibly upset. Particularly Master Jinn, who only comes out of his designated room when it's time to train Master Anakin with the lightsabers. Captain Panaka has been contacting Naboo, and the news from there is not good either.

Things are going too fast, indeed.

And I fear they will get worse before there is even a little hope of them getting better.


	9. Chapter 9 - Queen Amidala

This has gone too far.

It was bad enough when it was clear that someone in the Republic was paying to get a Jedi Knight enslaved; it is worse now that we know that the orders came from Coruscant...

All of the good things I believed about the Republic have been crushed in the lapse of the past three weeks, when the courage of two Jedi Knights and a little child saved my planet. Now I am convinced that someone within the Republic... within the Senate, masterminded all this.

I wish I knew for what propose.

Who would benefit if the Trade Federation ruled Naboo?

Who would benefit if the Republic censored the Trade Federation?

Master Mace Windu arrived two days ago. The only pleasant surprise that I've had since all this started. I must admit, I do not know what to think of the Jedi order anymore. Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi were, at first sight, just as what I had imagined. Knights with shinning swords, fighting in the name of justice. Filled with some invisible strength that made them different from everyone. Unattainable, unmoved. Calm and reserved.

But in the brief moments we shared in the trip to Tatooine, I came to see another side of Obi-Wan... I saw him relax around Master Jinn, joke when they thought they were alone. I saw the mask discarded and forgotten. When Obi-Wan left us, selflessly sacrificing himself for a young boy that he barely knew, I saw Master Jinn collapse from the grief of having the other half of his soul parted from him. I learned that after all, Jedi are only human on the inside.

Then... then I meet the Council. I still have some choice words for them as a collective entity that are not appropriate for a Queen to mutter. Patience and Serenity be damned; I wanted to scream with frustration after hearing them decide that they would  **wait**  before taking any action regarding Obi-Wan's fate... Jedi suddenly seemed worse that the bureaucratic system of the Senate in my eyes.

But Master Windu is not at all like that. He isn't as impetuous and headstrong as Master Jinn, but he isn't the narrow-minded, self-centered man I thought he was. As soon as he arrived we started discussing the possibilities surrounding Obi-Wan's kidnapping, and I'd like to think we had made some advances when we received the bad news from Panaka and Master Jinn.

They had been very close to rescue Obi-Wan... but the young man had already been in his buyer's ship... I am sure that there was more to the story than what Master Jinn told us, but after seeing the seriousness in Master Windu's face, I decided not to press the issue. It was clear to me that there was some history between the two Masters and whatever that was eating Master Jinn now would be best treated by Master Windu.

The only good thing was that they managed to get hold of C-3PO, Ani's droid. The one who send us the distress signal that told us where Obi-Wan was, and who now held within his memory circuits the final destiny of the brave Jedi. As I saw 3PO fidgeting in front of Ani and Master Jinn I smiled remembering the first time I had seen that droid, back when everything was simple for me. Of course, my smile vanished when I discovered exactly where the slaver's ship was headed. Coruscant.

The heart of the Republic.

I could feel my face burn with rage, until Master Windu placed his hand upon my shoulder. I don't know what is it about Jedi, but their mere presence can be highly pacifying.

Then something that C-3PO said struck out in my mind. "Did you say that you  **saw**  the man who hired this mercenary to capture Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

"Heard him would be more accurate, your majesty..." The protocol droid explained "Unfortunately the man talking to Master Fett was wearing a big black cape so I couldn't see any distinguishable features. I am very sorry that I cannot be of any help. However, I am certain that all the operation was carefully planed... He said very clearly 'We want him alive, not unharmed'."

I gasp as I hear the droid's words, a very startling impression of what Obi-Wan's captor's voice must sound like. It sounds familiar, but between the connection, the fact that it is just an imitation and that I am sure that the vicious man who planned all this must have used something to disguise his voice, I cannot identify it.

Still, I thought there was another possibility. I know that Master Windu must have thought of something similar, as his eyes lit. "If we provided you with different audio samples, would you be able to identify Obi-Wan's abductor?"

"Oh, certainly so, your majesty!" I couldn't help the light chuckle that came to me as the droid almost beamed with pride. There is something in him that reminds me of my old teachers.

"Very well, then." Master Windu interrupted. "We have rounded down the possible suspects to those who knew that Master Jinn and his padawan were in Naboo. The audio samples will be sent to you immediately. May the Force be with you."

The communication was closed, and I let out a relief sigh. True, my beliefs had been shaken to the core, but there is still a little hope that things will be put right.

* * * *

_Darkness' Interlude 1_

_"I'll arrive shortly, Master"_

_My Master nods, pleased, and cuts our communication. This leaves me alone with his precious charge. I've been preparing for this for longer than I care to remember, almost since I began walking at my Master's side._

_Preparing to witness the absolute fall of the Jedi Order._

_At first I did not understood why my Master was so obsessed with this one and his Jedi master, not until I was defeated by the old Jedi, not until I saw this one naked in front of me. The bounty hunter that my Master hired kept the young Jedi in a cage, chained like an animal in an exhibition... and I almost failed to contain my lust when I saw his body answer to my touch._

_Indeed, this Jedi is very interesting. I do see my Master's point._

_He is sitting on the floor of my quarters, even when there is a bed at his side. Not very comfortable, but better than the floor. Apparently, the Bounty Hunter did break the Jedi's body. It's my turn to break his spirit._

_I have a lot of information that my Master gathered on this one and the great master Jinn. I know all his secret weakness, all the places to push._

_"Jedi do not care much for their own, do they?" I ask, and his blue vacant eyes turn to me, confused. "They were not coming to rescue you. They were trying to kill **me**  " He bites his lips, obviously wanting to answer. I'm usually not a talkative person. I rather let my actions talk for me... but on this occasion, my Master's teaching in politics comes in handy. Without taking my eyes away from him, I smile. "What? Do you think Jedi do not kill?" I took off my tunic, letting him see the scar that his master's lightsaber made in my skin, a notorious ripp in the tattoo that covers my full body. He lowers his gaze, shamed. "You know the one who did this to me... the same who you thought would rescue you. But it is wise to send such an aged man with a child apprentice?" I kneel close to him and touch his cheek, feeling his body tremble, forcing him to look into my eyes. I can see doubt there - fear mixed with self-loathing. My Master will be pleased. "He seemed too young to be wielding a lightsaber..."_

_Now there was a glimpse of hate in his eyes. But directed at whom? At me? At the boy?... Or at his master? There is something about these two that can be used against each other. Wasn't it during our battle on Naboo that the old man was almost defeated by the thought of this one turning to the Dark? I am glad to know that there are weakness and contradictions in the Jedi Code._

_"You know now... they do not care about you..." I finish, close enough to feel his anger and doubt in my breath. This time, he opens his mouth to reply._

_And I capture it, with the same violence and strength that I use in battle. It is, after all, a fight to conquer his mind and soul._

_I'll admit, I am very surprised to feel him answering to my kiss._

_I never thought it would be so easy._    
 


	10. Chapter 10 - Anakin

We're only a day away from Coruscant, and I know everyone is worried about what will happen once we get there.

So worried, that Qui-Gon hasn't said a word about Panaka teaching me how to use a blaster. He spends almost all day inside his quarters, meditating or doing some other boring Jedi stuff.

Training with lightsabers is great, but I don't think I like to stay still doing nothing. I'm glad I'm not going to be a Jedi. Pilots have more fun.

And Pilots don't try to pretend nothing is wrong when everything is buried in poo-doo. After we rescued 3PO from the bounty hunter that had him and Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon gave his report to 'Dala just like he had given his report to the Jedi Council when Obi-Wan stayed in Tatooine.

It was so dry that it sounded almost like: We got there, we fought. We don't have Obi-Wan with us...

Why can't he admit that he's suffering because we didn't rescue Obi-Wan?

And sure, he didn't mention that the man who has Obi-Wan  **now**  is the same man he supposedly **killed**  at Naboo during the big battle.

Maybe he thinks I didn't notice, but I did... That horrible face is not easy to forget.

If I looked like that, I would hide my face under a helmet forever. A helmet scary enough to make people forget all about my face and make them remember me and fear me forever.

Maybe that's why that Sith doesn't hide himself. He really made a lasting impression on everyone. I remember him quite clearly from when I saw him for the first time, on Tatooine.

I was very scared then, because I was thinking that I would not see Mom ever again... and because I really thought that he could kill Master Qui-Gon.

I'm not that big of a fool to think that nothing can kill a Jedi. I worked for a Hutt.

And the Hutts don't like Jedi much. Now that I know what the Jedi are, I can't blame them. Jedi only get into other people's affairs and leave things half done.

I just said that when I met Qui-Gon because I wanted him to like me. I really thought they were on Tatooine to free all the slaves.

I am getting better with the blaster every day, and Panaka is very proud of me. He says I'll be the youngest captain at the Naboo army if I keep up my pace.

I told him that Naboo doesn't have an army, and he got very serious. That was right after 3PO identify the voice of the man who was buying Obi-Wan... and he is probably the only one who was not surprised to hear who it was.

Chancellor Palpatine. The one who was 'helping' 'Dala at the Senate.

When we told her, she went livid. She's very mad at this, just as Qui-Gon and Master Windu... But I don't know why they're so angry, if they're angry because Palpatine kidnapped Obi-Wan or because they didn't realize he was the one behind all it all.

I can't help but chuckle when I remember what the green old mynock told Qui-Gon at the Council when they decided I couldn't be a Jedi.

'Hard to see, the Dark Side is...'

Yeah, right! It was right under their noses and they couldn't see it!!

I still carry Obi-Wan's lightsaber in my belt, because Qui-Gon wanted me to have it until we can rescue his Padawan... but it feels better to have the blaster. Because if I only use the light saber to defend myself, and then I give it back to Obi-Wan... Then what will I use?

Maybe Qui-Gon didn't thought of that.

Something is worrying him so much that he doesn't see past that.

R2 beeps near me, trying to cheer me up... And a new idea shines brightly in my mind.

The only thing that helped us against the bounty hunter's robots was that they were not expecting us. And this time...

Well, I would bet everything I have that Palpatine knows we're going to save Obi-Wan.

But he might not expect Obi-Wan to have a weapon...

I get my tools and motion R2 near me. I know I can do this little modification, because it will be a lot easier than adapting the holo-projector.

I only have to find the right place to hide the spring, and then I know that R2 can find Obi-Wan and give him his saber.

If I can get this to work, maybe everybody will re-think the usefulness of R2 units in battle.   
 

_Obi-Wan:_

_'They do not care about you'_

_Maul's words taunt me in my sleep, just as they do when I am awake. There's nothing I can do to stop them, not when they're entwined with the very clear image of my Master at Anakin's side... not when I can still remember the child using my lightsaber in battle..._

_**My**  lightsaber._

_Was Qui-Gon so eager to start training the boy that he didn't stop at the Temple long enough to teach him how to build a proper lightsaber? Was I so easily forgotten?_

_I don't want to believe that._

_I don't want to give way to the doubts that Maul has seeded in my heart._

_But how can I do otherwise if deep in my heart I have always know that I meant very little to Qui-Gon? If I have always known that he only took me as a Padawan out of a misguided sense of honor?_

_That old nightmare has returned, and... And now I know that it would have been better if he had not chosen me, sent me to Agri-Corps where I could not hinder him._

_It would have been better if I had died then._

_If I had, I could not fail him now by falling so easily in the Dark embrace._

_My mind revels at this thought. It screams me that I have not fallen... that the Dark Side has no hold over me as long as I can remember where my heart lies. That if I still love Qui-Gon with all my heart, I will never turn._

_But Maul's touch is more welcomed by my body every night..._

_I lost long ago the will to fight, when it was Bobba Fett the one who raped me. After all, what was there for me to fight? My life has always been unimportant... And I could not let Qui-Gon fall into a trap for me._

_How long will it be before I start to answer in kind? How long will it be before I crave the darkness' touch?_

_How long before I finally understand that I do not mean anything to Qui-Gon?_

* * * *

_Darkness' Interlude 2_

_They are coming._

_They know who am I, and in their foolishness they believe they can defeat me._

_No one can defeat me. At the end, all outcomes bring me the final victory._

_The Empire might not come to reality in this cycle, but I am a patient man. It won't be long before this breaks the Republic, and when that happens, I will be ready._

_And as for the hated Jedi?_

_They will be no longer a problem by then._

_I had hoped to turn Qui-Gon - not as a Sith, but as a Dark Jedi. There can only be two Sith, but there is no limit to Rouge Knights. The strong Master would have been a great addition to my numbers._

_But his apprentice..._

_Young Kenobi is a much better prey, and he is almost mine._

_It amuses me to see how he clings to hope for those who have not._  


	11. Chapter 11 - Qui-Gon Jinn

I dreaded the arrival on Coruscant, all too sure that we were too late. Since the moment Anakin's droid identified the Sith Lord's voice as Palpatine, I've been having this dark feeling that my Padawan is already lost to me.

There is no doubt in my mind that he is in the hands of a Sith Lord. The tattooed face that I saw when we almost saved him was the only proof I needed.

I was so sure that the Sith died on Naboo. I had taken a little comfort in knowing that his dark taint would never reach my Padawan... And now even that is gone. Obi-Wan has been in the Sith's hands all along.

And it is my fault.

We have a slight advantage in the surprise element. We were very careful in our communications with Queen Amidala and Mace, so it was impossible for Palpatine to know our real intentions.

Our plan is somewhat simple. Queen Amidala will show all the evidence she and Mace gathered against Palpatine, while Panaka, Ani and I rescue Obi-Wan. There is not much evidence against the Chancellor, but we hope that Obi-Wan's testimony will be enough.

Still, we all know that it cannot be easy.

I know it won't be easy.

* * * *

The assault on Palpataine's quarters was swift and almost immediate. While Panaka and Ani fought the defense droids, creating a diversion for me, I ran through a maze of stairs that led me deeper to the lower levels on Coruscant. It seemed obvious that there were many hidden things inside the core of the Republic.

Things that the Jedi Order should have never allowed to exist.

I confront the Sith again, but this time he is almost silent. The taunts and provocation that he used against me on Naboo are not present at all. Still, his silence is even more unnerving. But I do not let him get past my shields now. I know that he is the last obstacle against me before I can see my beloved again.

Before I can tell him how much he means to me. Before I can fulfill my vow to never let him away from me again.

And those thoughts are what enable me to finally strike a definitive killing blow that cuts the Sith's body in half.

Still, my victory does nothing to ease the growing sense of wrongness that fills my heart.

"I hoped you would come,  **'Master'**  ."

I turn around at hearing his voice, the voice I had not realized was part of my heart until I could not hear it again. I was sure that even the harshest words coming from his mouth would be enough to make me feel whole again.

I was wrong.

His tone is not welcoming, but taunting, and it freezes my heart.

"Obi-Wan? " I barely recognize my apprentice, even though he has not changed much. His face is the same, even if it looks a little thin. He is dressed completely in black, just as the Sith Lord that has just fallen under my saber. He is smiling, but his smile does not reach his eyes.

His eyes, the green-blue orbs that always seemed to shine with reassurance and joy, that never once failed to lift my soul away from all worries even if I never told him so, are dead now. There is no joy, no love to be found in them. Only coldness...

Only hate.

"But this time, you got here too late." He finishes, and activates the lightsaber he was hiding on the folds of his tunic.

I barely have time to defend myself, not wanting to believe what all my senses are telling me. But as I reach with the Force, I meet only a wall of rage, hate and darkness that seems to envelop all his being. There is no trace of my Padawan, of the gentle, caring young man I love.

"Padawan..." I say as I parry off, shielding myself without taking the offensive.

"I am not your Padawan!!" he yells, and his attack increases in strength and speed. "You never wanted me, I was never enough for you, Qui Gon Jinn!! I was not worthy enough!" Each word is spat with venom, and they wound my heart. Because, long ago, I did not want him at my side... but it was not because he was not a worthy student, but for my own fears.

My own failure.

As the fight continues, he presses harder. I cannot even try to explain myself and make him stop, ask for his forgiveness... And the pain in my chest grows.

With a strong push of the Force, he throws me to the floor. Before I can regain my footing, he kicks me hard, breaking my ribs. I have to bite my lips not to let a cry escape.

"How it feels, 'MASTER'?" He mocks me, and his hard voice is a knife in my heart. "How does it feel to be crushed and beaten down?!" There is a soft pause, and then I can feel the Force pressing my body down. "I suffered this and more in the months after I left you... After you didn't notice I was gone... I learned many things that you never taught me, 'Master'... I learned how much I could hate you for your weakness."

I hear the hum of the lightsaber near my head, but I cannot turn to see where it is. The control Obi-Wan is exerting over the Force far surpasses what I knew as his limits. It is frightening, the ease with which he manipulates the Dark Side now.

"How much time passed before you decided to give my lightsaber to your 'Chosen One', 'Master'? Was it when you left Tatooine, relieved of not having my burden on your back? Or did you have to wait until the Council allowed you to train him?"

"I... did..." I try to speak, but he crushes my chest with his boot, interrupting my words.

"I do not care, 'Master'. I have a new one now."

Those are the last words I hear, before a flash of light strikes me.   
 

_Obi-Wan:_

_I have Qui-Gon at my feet, ready to kill him._

_Seeing him beaten, wounded and bleeding, I feel satisfaction. At least he knows a little of what I've been through..._

_But he can never know it all. He cannot know how much he hurt me, time and again, rejecting me in every way possible, even after the Council made him accept me as his Padawan. This... this is only a small revenge. I will not feel myself avenged until all those who have hurt me die. Qui-Gon, the Skywalker brat... The Council._

_I lift my lightsaber, and cut Qui-Gon's neck with one swift movement._

_* * * *_

_Tears run in my eyes as I lay awake in my quarters, deep inside the Sith Lord's hideout on Coruscant._

_It is not the first time I have had this nightmare, but it is the first time I did not know it was a dream. I awoke just as my lightsaber ended my Master's life... and now I do not know my own heart. As horrified as I was when I woke up, in my dream I was enjoying the act of hurting my mentor._

_Of hurting the only one I love._

_I pray to the Force that Qui-Gon will come and rescue me. I pray that he will not. My heart breaks as I think this, but I don't know what to do._

_I'm corrupted. I'm allowing the Dark Side in my heart._

_And I will kill myself before I reach the point where my love turns to hate._  


	12. Chapter 12 - Obi-Wan Kenobi

Coruscant's skies are tinted red with the dying sunlight.

I never thought I would see it again. I thought that I would die before I could see the night sky in the planet where I had lived most of my life... Or that I would be so corrupted that I could never see its beauty without feeling hate.

I never thought I would have this chance again, to see the skies around the tower of the Temple, to at least feel part of myself at home. Almost safe.

Sometimes... Sometimes I believe that this is a dream. That I will wake up soon and find that I am still in Palpataine's power, still Maul's toy. On those days, I am afraid of going to sleep, I am afraid of closing my eyes.

I am afraid.

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate.

I still don't believe I will ever be completely free of fear, of anger... of hate. I don't believe I will ever be free of the Dark Lords' taint. Master Yoda knows, Master Windu knows... Sith! Everyone knows, and I know that almost all the Jedi on the Temple are waiting for me to fall again, to disappear completely from sight. But for myself, and for those who sacrificed so much to save me, I will not. I have to find the strength to accept the fear, understand what I feel and let it go.

Watching the sky, I think back of the day when I saw my Master again, my beloved Qui Gon.

I had lost all hopes of seeing him once more, long before I realized that I was back on Coruscant. In Fett's hands... in Maul's hands... I lost my will to go on, so I didn't care. But Maul was a Sith, and when I discovered that his Master, Darth Sidious, was living leisurely at Coruscant as Chancellor Palpatine, Senator of Naboo... So near to the Temple... I knew I had to survive long enough to warn someone. Anyone.

But even that purpose didn't give me enough strength to rebel against what Maul did to me... I was his toy, his pet project, his revenge. Every day he made sure that I remember why I was with him and not at the Temple, that my Master had forsaken me, that he never thought me worthy enough of being his disciple.

And even when I despised him every moment I spent in his company, I still grieve his death.

I do not understand that myself, probably, I never will. But Maul became part of my life. And sometimes, on very rare occasions... he was kind to me. Despite all his hate, despite all his tortures, Maul made me feel wanted. After so long of being convinced that no one loved me, that no one cared for me... he walked past my shields.

I murdered him, when in a very hidden, very dark part of my heart, I was beginning to love him.

How can I ever be rid of this taint?

As far as I can tell, Sidious never expected the attack. He was too sure of his position, too sure of his powers. He never expected that a Jedi Master would try to attack him with no more support than a man and a child.

I was in the lower levels of his palace when it all happened. Unarmed, almost naked, beaten and weak. But none of that mattered when I saw my Master dueling Maul.

A vision of fear filled me then. I was not caged, and for that I will always thank the Force. I was weakened, but that did not lessen my resolve. I knew that the only reason the Sith Lords had to buy me was for the possibility of capturing my Master, and that if I didn't do something to help Qui-Gon, they would triumph in their plans.

But without a weapon, I was useless.

A beeping sound caught my attention, and I saw the little R2 unit that had saved our lives on Naboo, a lifetime ago. Something flashed inside it, and suddenly, I saw my lightsaber flying towards me. Later, I found that it had been Anakin's idea, since the boy knew I would need a means of defense, and being a Jedi, I would not use a blaster... In that moment, the only thing I could think about was that my Master needed me, needed my help, even if I was no longer worthy of calling myself his Padawan.

Maul was shocked when he saw me joining the fight, and his shock cost him dearly. Even when he had the advantage of knowing the place, of knowing my Master style and my weakened state, it was that split moment of distraction what gave us the advantage. That... and something I hadn't seen or felt in a long time - a light in my Master's eyes that I had thought I would never feel again.

Hope.

My Love, my Soul.

I killed Maul, just as I had killed my master in the endless nightmares I had suffered ever since returning to Coruscant. I beheaded him after he fell to the floor. But I did not felt better, or free, or relieved with his death.

I felt nothing. An emptiness that I fear can fill my hearth if I let it.

And then I fainted.

I didn't come to my senses until two days later, under the Temple healers' care. I was sure I had died, that everything was just a dream. Then I saw him... Qui Gon, my Master, asleep on a chair at my side. Our bond was still broken, but even so just by being near to him, I could almost believe that everything was over, that my wounds would heal.

That the darkness would be purged.

But I know that is just wishful thinking. He doesn't know how I feel about him, and even if he knew, he would never return my love. If he rescued me, it was just because I am his Padawan, and he feels responsible for my safety. And now that I am back at the temple, his responsibility is over. I won't be a burden anymore.

While I was recovering, I was allowed to have visitors. Anakin was one of the first to appear, and I learned how the Council had refused to train him. The irony was not lost to me. I chose my path so my Master could bring the young boy and his mother to Coruscant, so the boy could be a Jedi... and that was not to be. Still, I am glad. Anakin will go to Naboo, he will become a pilot and protect the Queen who is now his friend.

When the healers allowed me to walk by myself, and return to my quarters, things had changed greatly. I was questioned once and again by the Council, who seemed intent on knowing everything that happened to me since I left my Master's side. Why had I sold myself in exchange for Shmi Skywalker, what had I thought, what did I do... What had they done to me...

I couldn't tell them everything... I tried to regain what little calm I still had, remember my life long training, and stay as detached from the events as I could. But even when I did tell them about the abuse my body sustained, I did not reveal the grim thoughts that raced through my mind. I did not address the doubts that had plagued me.

I did not mention the darkness that now lives in my heart.

I know I did not fool them, they wanted to question me further. But my Master's intervention stopped it. He was adamant that I would not be tortured further for those who caused the delays of my rescue, yelled at them that if there was indeed any darkness in my soul it was because of the betrayal of the Council.

His words still echo in my mind: I was shocked to hear him, the most proper of Jedi Masters, addressing the Council with anger.

Later, I was a witness for Queen Amidala, who presented to the Senate the evidence of Palpataine's betrayal. Even when he escaped, a death sentence was issued on his head. He will be killed on sight, no matter where in the Republic he hides. I know it won't be that easy. The Sith Lord is more powerful than what we thought. It might be even possible that nothing we do can stop him.

And I think... maybe that is not bad. Darkness is necessary for us to see the Light.

I hear my Master's steps approaching me.

The only thing that has not changed is this. I am still his Padawan, he is my Master again. Even when I severed our bond, even when he knows there is darkness inside me, he still wants me as his apprentice.

"Padawan..." His voice, which I had only heard in my dreams for the longest time, is filled with worry.

"Yes, Master?"

"We need to talk. I've been meditating about many things since I failed to see your plan on Tatooine." That surprises me. I knew that he was unaware of my intentions when I went to see the Pod Race, but I never imagined that he would think about that. I always assumed he had more pressing business at hand than to worry about me. "After I realized that you were gone... I almost died. I refused to eat, I refused to talk... Once our mission to see the safety of Queen Amidala was over, once that I was alone... I almost let myself die... Because you were not at my side, Obi-Wan."

"Master?" It is not the first time he says my name, but it is the first time that I hear him say it like this. Soft... almost longing. It is a caress, an apology... and a declaration that I never thought I would hear.

"I am sorry it took this for me to realize the truth about my feeligns, my Padawan. I only hope you can forgive me for my blindness. It cost you too much."

My mouth is frozen, because I cannot believe I am hearing things right. Because he doesn't know! And I didn't realized either... Suddenly all my suffering, all my fear is dwarfed by this knowledge. Even when my Master doesn't know I love him... He loves me.

But I cannot tell him that. I cannot admit my own feelings. I cannot risk telling him and knowing I was wrong, that it is all in my mind.

My mind. Now I feel myself missing the bond that we had - the bond that I cut to keep him safe. The bright but stern presence that was part of me since I was thirteen years old. The warmth that was there for me, even in my worst times. The concern that he always showed for me, even before he accepted me as his Padawan. The spark of life, of experience that envelops my whole being, when he is with me.

I miss that. I was a fool to destroy it, even when it was the only path I could take. My heart aches for him, and suddenly the memory of that feeling overwhelms me, envelops my mind, and I can feel that warmth again. It is not the echo of those days long past. Its a feeling more intense, a light a thousand times more bright.

I open my eyes, when I had not realized that I had closed them. He is looking at me with a smile in his face, nodding.

//Yes, my Padawan... we're together again//

He is crying as he holds me, but my eyes are dry. I cannot find tears, even when my heart is breaking from joy. Can this be true? Can this be real?

And in his embrace, my fear melts and disappears. I cannot be afraid as he holds me, as my soul finally finds it's true place in the universe.

"Master..." I begin, and he shakes his head. I hesitate, but I finally realize what he is trying to tell me. "...Qui-Gon..."

"Yes, Obi-Wan?" And his eyes shine, and I know it is not a dream, he is here, I am here. The night is finally over.

//My love//

//My soul//

 

**The End.**


End file.
